Dirty Little Secrets

Done living, done loving, Done moping, done vowing, Done with expecting too much from him, Done waiting for a close meeting with bliss, Done with seeing you ruin me this way, Done with not saying what i need to say, Done with letting myself be soaked with despair, Done with trying to always be right and fair, Done with reminding you that i'm still alive, Done with thinking of you with bloodshot eyes, Done with being tagged as nerd and weird, Done with wanitng to be seen or heard, Done with dreaming impossible dreams, Done with not looking at truth the way it seems, Done with stupid crushes and tons of fights, Done with trying not to take sides, Done with expecting more outta life, Done with saying repeated goodbyes, Done with letting this silence pierce me, Done with pretending but not being me.

                                                       >>You look at some people – content with their lives, happy, bother-free – and you smile.◕‿◕ >>You look at comedians, or read jokes or watch comedy and your lips curve automatically into a smile.◕‿◕ >>Some people have it as a default expression. You see them and they’re forever smiling. No worries at all, smile and make others smile. Those smiles are so full of positive vibes that your mouth automatically returns an effortless smile in response.◕‿◕ >>You give a sweet or a new game to your younger brother and he’s so happy he can’t contain he’s enthusiasm and excitement at all and he’s running all around the place with bright, happy eyes. You look at him and feel his excitement and enthusiasm too and a reminder of your childhood flashes by, and you smile.◕‿◕ >...

                           Then I would be a dead cat (even with 9 lives) right now. Everyone has embarrassing moments. So do I. but isn’t it bugging when most of these embarrassing moments happen when your crush is around or when you’re trying to act cooler than you are or when you’re exercising yoga in a room of dozen people?????????..... Yeah… I’m a hell of a package of “WTF” moments. Why don’t you guys take a sneak-peak through my most embarrassing moments of all times and decide which moment should get the WTF award? So here goes….. 5. I’m performing yoga and this ‘asana’, I don’t know the name, is very tiring. It’s 6.30 in the morning, I’m dying of dehydration, and yet my parents are subjecting me to this brutality. So, I had to take a deep breath and bend backwards. And in a flash of a second, I black out and I’m lying on the floor with my eyes closed and a smile on my face(so say my friends who were the...

Dear bitches, Yeah, you’re right. It addresses you. You people must have stripped my total personality and hammered it until it turned unmendable. And kudos for your success! You made me cry, you made me shout, swear, run and most of all you have made me so angry that I could just kill! Yeah pretty strong coming from the very innocent, harmless, ignorant and immature teenager, isn’t it? Well, I credit you for the very pronounced change I’m going through and the hell that you’re gonna face soon. You’re 100% responsible for making me see and be best of buddies with bitch in me. I’ll be forever thankful to you guys for that coz if it weren’t had been for you, I’d still be sitting alone somewhere and crying my eyes out over some stupid, trivial yakking you’ll so famously keep doing. No worries now! I’ve joined your small community and as an active member now, I guess, I too, am deemed to be tagged as a snobbish bitch. Doesn’t matter. What’s in a name? You should know that better, right. ...

I dream of me Free from myself, From irony, from paradox And all other nonsense. I dream of me As a naked soul In search of That tiny bit of truth residing in me Still lost somewhere. I dream of me Flying high in the sky Up above the trivial things in life In my own happy world of freedom, No wonder, these dreams don’t come true And whenever I think of them, Oh my! They just make me sigh. I dream of you Calling my name With warmth and affection and love It makes me go paranoid Coz I know it’s a dream, This is as true as it can get. I dream of us Discovering ourselves And our innermost beauty That we had hidden so well I dream, I dream, I dream, However, the dream fades away By the blink of the eye. And the second I open my eyes And face reality It slashes my heart in two. And now I wanna go back to dreaming And relishing its beauty Of impossibility and imagination But there remains this inadequacy And nothing can be done now, So I just have this little request: Oh dream! Just come true...

The more I meet you and the more I talk to you and the more I observe you makes me know you more and what I see makes me realise that I don't know you at all and it makes me all the more angry and distant from you and all the more confused about myself and our relationship and it makes me wanna stop talking to you totally. But as soon as I think of that, it hurts to know that I wouldn't have you anymore to share my deepest secrets with or remove my anger on or share my crazy ideas with or have someone calm me down when I'm angry or cheer me up when I'm sad...this thought is unbearable...so the less I meet you, the less I'll know you and the less I'll hate you and the less I'll feel like quitting on us . And even though it'll make me all the more distant from you, I wouldn't mind coz atleast I'll get to keep you with me even and talk to you, even if it is for a very less time, coz I can't imagine my life without you. So until I prepare myself ...

You close your eyes for the very last time_you pray_you look back at everything you’ve done and not done in life_you cry_you sit there on a wheelchair all alone, thinking about the many mistakes you’ve committed_you bid your husband the last goodbye as he goes into the afterworld_you entertain your grandkids_you roam the world_you retire_you look at all the photos from childhood to now, there’s no time to feel sad, there’s work to do_your maid knows your kids better than you do_you’re become a workaholic_you give birth to a son_you work_daughter comes to you to play, you’re busy_you work_you hire a maid for your kid_you give birth to a daughter_you work harder_you get promoted_you slog day and night_you get a leave but you want to work, to prove yourself_you get pregnant_you’re on your honeymoon_you get married, you’re blissful_you fall in love_you see him for the first time_you get the best job in the world_you enter the real world_you’re a college graduate_ permanent separation from ...

It was his sixth coffee, third magazine and a millionth peep through the glass door of the café. It was their fifth anniversary and he was going to propose to her for marriage. But it has been 2 hours now and she hadn’t turned up yet. He has started to lose some of the happiness and courage that he felt before. The diamond ring resting in his pocket felt 10 times heavier and the plan that he had been making since a week seemed more wrong and stupid by the minute. He wanted to run away but then her face flashed in his mind and he froze there in his seat. Sure, he was afraid of committing. But what’s the big deal, he thought. Her sweet yet coy smile (which made him go weak in his knees) playing in his mind made him realize that she’s the only one he’s ever going to love. So why get scared now? Why run away? Why not let this be the big step towards their happy ending? But she hadn’t come yet. The waiter had come again to clear his table and take his order for yet another coffee. “Will you...

Its 11.45 and I had just reached home. As I was trying to change into my pajamas and go to sleep without waking up my parents, I tripped over my little brother who wakes up and starts crying, wailing more like. It’s so like me to screw already screwed up things for myself and end up in deep s**t. Hurriedly, I hid myself beneath the many layers of my bed sheet and prayed fruitlessly for my heartbeat, which was thumping loudly, to go back to its normal pace. Feigning sleep as my dad came to check on me, I thought back at how memorable that day of Holi had been…… Our society people had organized a Holi party consisting of DJ and rain dance much to the excitement of us girls, who were not otherwise allowed to go out and celebrate this day for the fear that “eve- teasers” are on their all-time high. Was it the colors or the DJ or the (recreational) rain or the dancing, I don’t really know. Maybe it was a mixture of all of it, but this has been the most fantastic Holi-party ever. We ended ...