Wednesday, March 24, 2010

If embarrassment could kill……

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Then I would be a dead cat (even with 9 lives) right now.
Everyone has embarrassing moments. So do I. but isn’t it bugging when most of these embarrassing moments happen when your crush is around or when you’re trying to act cooler than you are or when you’re exercising yoga in a room of dozen people?????????.....

Yeah… I’m a hell of a package of “WTF” moments. Why don’t you guys take a sneak-peak through my most embarrassing moments of all times and decide which moment should get the WTF award?

So here goes…..

5. I’m performing yoga and this ‘asana’, I don’t know the name, is very tiring. It’s 6.30 in the morning, I’m dying of dehydration, and yet my parents are subjecting me to this brutality. So, I had to take a deep breath and bend backwards. And in a flash of a second, I black out and I’m lying on the floor with my eyes closed and a smile on my face(so say my friends who were there too). After a minute or too I open my eyes and see all the dozen people staring down at me with incredulity. And I’m perplexed to find myself hugging the ground in the first place coz I hadn’t even realized anything until then. And the guru comes up to me with tears(of laughter) in her eyes and tells me “it happens”. And then she turns around to the room and tells everyone that when your mind is not into it and you’re feeling sleepy, you tend to black out and fall down sometimes. I was so embarrassed then that my face had turned a shocking shade of scarlet.

4. I’ve just given my English paper and I’m super-excited about discussing it with others. So in a hurry to reach them and boast about my awesome paper and the perfect grades that I’m gonna get, I forget that the last step on the ground floor is super-slippery, and jump on it, albeit. And next I know I’ve landed my 70-kilo self on a skinny geeky guy who looked close to tears and who looked as if he might break at the slightest touch. And if that weren’t enough, all my friends had witnessed the scene and were laughing their asses off over my very super landing. I dump my question paper into my bag and rush as fast as I could towards the washroom, where, instead of crying, I’m laughing hysterically. One of my girlfriends, thinking that I might have felt bad, enters the washroom and is shell-shocked when she sees me laughing maniacally.

3. “Oh just get in already”, I’m yelling at my 3 newly purchased jaipuri chappals to fit into the bag properly before my grandma comes to check my purchases. Being a shopaholic, if you have a couple thousand-rupee notes in your hand and Jaipur-the ultimate shopping destination-at your mercy, then you do seem to go a little mad. But come on, seeing my past records, 2 bags, 4 chappals, a couple of antiques and a dozen multicolored bangles is totally acceptable, in fact it’s a miracle. But my granny doesn’t understand. So I decided that 2 bags and one pair of chappals is all she needs to know about. I’ve tried about a thousand ways of trying to fit them into my suitcase but to no avail. Seems like they don’t like the injustice I’m inflicting on them. “Dimpu”, Oh my god! That’s my granny calling me with my nickname. I know, the nickname is in itself very embarrassing. “PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE GET IN” I’m begging now. No, no, I’m not schizophrenic. It’s just that if my granny sees my purchases then I’d have to say goodbye to my allowances for….well, forever. Oh my god, she’s here. I hurriedly hide it one of the cupboards behind me without even seeing what’s there inside. She comes in and I show her my purchase and she’s all happy about my self-restraint. Oh, just bite me! So anyways, just when she’s about to leave, my aunt comes into the room and goes directly for the cupboard I had hid my shoes in. Oh boy! Please let a chasm open below my feet before I witness my own doom. She has finally opened the cupboard and wat I see makes me wanna die then and there. I had dumped my chappals in a plate full of pickles! And now, both my chappals and pickles have been ruined. What follows next...I’d better stop here or else I’d embarrass myself more than I had bargained for.

2. My friend and I are waiting for this bus since 15 mins… 30 mins... 45 mins… Ok that’s it. Just when we go a little further way from the bus stop to hire a cab, we see the bus. Now we may be at least a mile away, but god knows why, without even deciding upon it we’re running as if our life is depended upon it. Everyone on the road watch us with so much interest you’d say they were watching Rakhi Sawant-Mika controversy, LIVE. The bus driver sees us and suddenly feels he’s getting too late and we’re just five steps away from the bus. My friend gets on it and I’m still hanging to the handle but the bus driver doesn’t care. Now there’s a hot babe standing there pointing for the bus to stop and BANG! The bus jerks to a stop in a nanosecond and my head….well all I can say that thank god I didn’t get amnesia. So finally I get into the bus, we get ourselves decent seats and try not to look at anyone due to our very embarrassing entry. But seems like God wasn’t done with us just yet, so when we finally ask the conductor to give us tickets for our destination, guess what he says – THIS BUS WON’T GO THERE!!!!!!!!!

1. I’m standing outside my college and eating “dosa” with my friends. I’m not too fond of dosa actually but u see, my crush is standing right beside me, showing me as much attitude as he can because he already knows I have a crush on him, courtesy my friends throwing a paper-ball at him with “Jitika ♥ B______” engraved all over it on friendship’s day. I haven’t been able to NOT blush whenever he’s near ever since. So I’m all hyper-nervous coz I had promised myself that I’ll try to talk to him today and get him to be friends with me. But God had planned something else for me, obviously. So a bunch of stubborn beggars come and herd me and threatening me to follow me until I’ve given them a decent sum of money. I know, bunch of 5-year old beggars threaten me! Such is my reputation. So anyways, I start rummaging through my wallet for some change for these kids, just to show to my crush that I am full of sympathy and compassion. On realizing that all the change has accumulated at the depth of my wallet, I start removing the my money out. And one of the beggar-kids snatch a 50 rupee note from my hand and runs away. I’m totally shocked. I start swearing at those kids at the top of my voice and run behind them as soon as I come back to my senses. And look at the daring of those kids. They turn back, look at me, make funny faces, laugh at their own joke and run away. I’m so angry that my eyes had filled up. Trying to calm myself, I turn back towards my friends and see that they’re all suppressing giggles. I peek towards my crush and he’s laughing too. Oh GODDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!! WHY DON’T YOU JUST KILL ME, ALREADY!!!!

4 comments:

Mukesh said...

I, think that NO.1 should be the runner up in WTF awards. As well as, No.2 & NO.3 equally qualify for the winner WTF awards.

Anish Patel said...

Winner is no. 3 and Runner up is no. 1.... although I enjoyed all....

MangoMan/Bunty said...

Never meant this more...LAUGHING MY ASS OFF! I know i shouldnt..but what the hell!!!

No. 2 takes the cake. No. 1 follows closely!

An awesomely entertaining read...straight out of my blues!

Jitika Jain said...

mukesh, anil, mm/b.....our thots match...onli dat mine r for diff reasons.....aft no.1...i couldnt hav a single crush due to d stuff dat happened...isn't dat more embarrasing?