Wednesday, July 21, 2010

A happy ending!

A blinding flash of light! A high-pitched shriek! Darkness!
Funny how death is one thing which is strong enough to snap you out of reality! Yeah, I don’t say dream but reality.  Think about it!

He lay there, wishing with all his will… if only he could have one chance at rewind! Or did he really want that? Did he want to live through all the pain and misery and bitterness again? Did he have the strength…or the guts?

“Someone call the ambulance, he’s dying” he heard a terrified cry from somewhere to his right. That person must be really close for he could hear him (even in this pain) properly.  The rest was a blur of voices pounding through his head. He was dying. This is it! It’s finally over, the wait!

He shuffled through all his memories to find that one particular face. A face that he had been trying very hard to push at the back of his mind, and if successful, absolute removal! But what does it matter now? And there it was, the image installed in his brain, paused at exactly the scene he wanted to relive.

He heard the sound of the ambulance and somehow, that made him even more nervous…anytime now! His mind quickly clicked on the play button inside his head and he immersed himself deeper into the movie…
Her gracious hands were coiled together tightly. So were her legs. Her hair too was in a tight bun. He stood right there waiting for her to lift her head and acknowledge his presence. He figured that she was in deep thought. This was the most serious she has ever been. Finally after a long time, she lifted her gaze to meet his. There was something wrong in her eyes. Her hazel eyes, they looked frozen. Hard and frozen. Just like ice. He couldn’t find even a teensy bit of warmth in them. He couldn’t find her in them, nor could he find himself. She nodded towards the seat besides her and went back to maintaining the piercing silence, closing her eyes and getting drowned in her thoughts again. He looked at her guarded, and somewhat steely, profile and wondered! Surely, something was wrong. He waited for what felt like a whole eternity for her to open her eyes and meet his gaze again. He wanted to look into her eyes and prove himself wrong. Maybe he had just imagined it. What will happen is, she will look at him, her eyes wearing the same warmth and affection they always wore and she would hug him and everything would be back to normal. Nothing of that sort happened. She continued maintaining her steely silence until it got on his nerves and made him go paranoid.
“Say something.”
She finally looked at him again. Nay, he wasn’t imagining her cold eyes after all.
“I’m done. We’re done. It’s over. Forget me!”
And she left with that. No explanation. No discussion. No proper goodbye. No nothing. She just disappeared.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want to bother you really. It’s my problem you know.”
“But we loved each other. I love you.”
“We did, yeah! But you don’t deserve this. Not this, no.”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t you see?”
“But the doctors say you’ll be fine”
“I know I won’t”
“But that’s no reason to leave me alone like that. I would have been there by you, helped you survive.”
“Would you have survived?”
“Let’s not worry about me now!”
“I care for you”
“Oh you do, do you? A really nice way of showing it!”
“You know I do”
“2 years! You could have been dead for all I know”
“I will be now”
“This is all? That’s just it then, huh? This is how much you care for me?”
“Did you even hear me? I’m dying”
“SO WHAT? I deserved to know”
“Would you believe me if I say I did all this because I love you?”
The nurse came in right that moment. He was asked to leave. He realized that this was the last time he going to see her. She clutched his hand just as he made to leave.
“I care for you. I really do.”
He tried hard not to look into her eyes and most of all, not to break down.
“I want to believe you. I really do.”

He felt a great sense of déjà vu as he was being rushed towards the OT. He tried to recognize what the reason was. He was lifted from the stretcher and placed on the bed. All around him, nurses were treating to his wounds as they waited for the doctor to come. He tried to look around him…and felt a hand, a much warmer hand, coiling itself around his own. He turned to see who it was and MAN!!! It was her, smiling at him angelically. Ok, so maybe he has already died.

But he still felt the pain. And also felt everyone around him. What was happening?
He looked at her again and received back a glowing smile he remembered only too well. He didn’t remove his perplexed gaze off her. Was she a dream?

She turned her head towards the nurse who was treating his right arm and then back at him.
The nurse? But wha – oh!
She was the same nurse who had asked him to leave when he had gone to visit her in the hospital. Does that mean…is he brought to the same hospital as she was? Wow! They’re gonna die at the same place. What more did he want!

He looked back at her, returned her smile and then, closed his eyes. He was finally ready for death. The ECG showed exactly what he was trying to do. The doctor, as a final resort, tried to pump some air into his heart. Too late, he has already drifted towards the heaven he was gonna share with her. She was guiding him there. Towards their happy ending!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

So I'm one of them now?

Its ironical, innit?

I have to actually start *liking* football just when its over!
All this time, I swore at my football-crazy friends whose only reason of survival these days was "FIFA"...
I groaned with disappointment whenever I opened my Facebook account coz all that i was greeted with was results of the previous match and updates on the next one!

And suddenly, I host a finale viewing at my place, catch a glimpse of Villa, then Pique, and lastly Casillas and...BAM!!!!!!!!!!!
The next 2hrs I'm glued to my T.V. like I'm hypnotized. Albeit!
Anticipation! Excitement! Nervousness! Horror! Joy! Everything!

I don't think I can ever sit through the boring "cricket" again. :P
All you Spain-supporters, it's celebration time!

Waka Waka...this time for Iniesta! And for Villa. And Pique. And Casillas! And for Spain! 

Friday, July 9, 2010

Whoa! Growing up!

Less of cribbing, more of accepting
Less of drama, more of practicality
Less of fights, more of shutting up
Less of waiting, more of moving on
Less of not talking on the phone, more of trying to
Less of holding on to something, more of letting go
Less of ice creams and chocolates, more of coffees
Less of T.V., more of books
Less of dreaming, more of facing reality
Less of receiving, more of giving
Less of material needs, more of finding the deeper meaning of life
Less of hatred, more of love
Less of me, more of us
Less of us, more of me
Whoa! Growing up!

Monday, July 5, 2010

So many questions. Never a satisfactory answer!

We chatted every day. We shared secrets with each other. We got close to each other in such a short span of time that life without him seems impossible. Incomplete. Like I’m missing something or nothing seems right when I don’t chat with him one day. I thought he was my rebound. That thought sure disturbed me but I pushed it in the darkest part of my head and expected it to rust and die there. I’ve been doing this for quite some time now. So easy and problem-free life becomes when you don’t have negative thought looming inside your head all day! But now we don’t chat so frequently and I don’t feel as restless about not talking to him as I used to before. He doesn’t need me as much as he used to before, too. Maybe, he WAS my rebound. And I was his. And now that we’ve helped each other and cured our problems, we don’t need *us* anymore. I thought, during the post-R phase, that one more goodbye and I’ll be shattered. Hahahahahahahha… it all seems so funny  confusing funny now.
 No, we haven’t ceased contact totally. But it seems strained. Like, I have to do it because that’s the way it has always been and because I don’t wanna hurt him or I don’t wanna be the one to step back. It feels like a duty or a compulsion. I don’t get the feeling to do it from the heart. He’s helped me in many ways. He’s helped me heal, helped me get my pre-R confidence and attitude back and most of all, made me believe that loving again and trusting again won’t hurt. Yeah, I’m not the “devdasi” that I was back then anymore. I’ve learnt (what I’ve known always) that you can’t give up on love and hope and happiness and trust just because it backfired with one person. However important he may have been! There’s a new life waiting out there for you. A new someone. And P just helped me gain that belief back. And now, I see him slipping out of my life. Just like water trickling down my hands as I stand in my shower and think about all this and WONDER!

What was this, God? So fast? Rebound? Hope? Trust? Love? Him? Me? Us? R? Why? Why? Why?
So many questions. Never a satisfactory answer!

How do U expect me to trust you when you play with my life like it’s some stupid adventure game. I want to trust you. Just show me how. And also WHY!
I’m waiting. Desperately.

Thursday, July 1, 2010


Q: You know what I hate more than bad hair?
A: Badly ironed hair!

Does anyone understand the philosophy behind the rubbish given above?
I do, of course!
But lets see what you've got to say about it!