Dirty Little Secrets

Carefree Randomness Surprises Masti like never before Reunion with certain old friends A whole new list of some new close friends Quirky music An unexplained hatred for loneliness Beloved winter Unceasing hatred towards numbers Happydent overload Extension of curfew timings 25% completion of the never-ending to-do list Table-tennis Hearty talks with complete strangers Revelations A discovery of talent Short hair Tentative acceptance of life & its challenges That's my 2010, what's yours?

Today is when my blog turns 1  :D *claps claps claps* I know my blog archive shows I started writing from January  but I had already made this blog before that  but I just didn't have any writing material or maybe I was just a very lazy kinda person. I am still now. But that's just not the same as before.  :P I remember one not-so-fine January day when I felt as if I need an escape someplace where I could dump the feelings  and emotional overtures I was going through without hurting anyone or letting anyone know at all. That was a big thing. Very huge.  And I was just never the same again. And that's when Dirty Little Secrets Mind starts speaking, as was known previously came to my rescue. And since then it has always been there. Waiting. Waiting for me to approach it whenever I wanted to write or when I wanted to let out everything I was feeling or just when I was merely bored. I haven't shared many personal feelings here and I don't even think I have it in me.

I have always been an oddball. I have. And people always took that to be as crazy or weird. And thats why I have the least possible certificates and prizes in my account :[ I had been going through this book I used to maintain when I was in school. I had written in it my favorite texts, poems and some of my own compositions. And then I came across this page - I had attended a kiddies workshop when I was in 7th and had to create verbal advertisements for "Fevicol" and "Pepsodent" and we were given only 15 minutes for preparation. And this is what I do: Caution: Whoever laughs on my compositions get their keyboards banged with their heads! Fevicol [sing the tune of "yeh dil, diwana" from the movie Pardes]: Yeh Dil, diwana Diwana yeh dil Diwane ne, mujhko bhi, Kar dala, diwana Usne mere dil ko tod, maine fevicol se joda fir kabhi bhi nahi tuta hai yeh dil usne dil ko punch hai mara, isko shatter karna chaha aur fir haath hi uske tute hai lekin... diwane

"I fear it's very wrong of me And yet I must admit When someone offers friendship I want the whole of it. I don't want everybody else To share my friends with me. At least I want one special one Who indisputably, Likes me much more than all the rest Who's always on my side, Who never cares what others say Who lets me come and hide Within his shadow, in his house - It doesn't matter where - Who lets me simply be myself, Who's always, always, there."

I've been having a super time lately.  I'd been shopping yesterday! And I've shopped as if it was the first time that I've been unleashed on all those clothes :P All my purchases are well hidden in the deepest pit of my ever-growing mound of clothes in my closet. I'm thinking of revealing them to my mum around Christmas! =] And I've just lived three family-free days all alone at my place! So, my parents finally realize that I'm old enough to take care of myself and the house and not leave the geyser on after leaving the shower or burn the whole house down or whatever. Yeah dad, mom, you make me feel great! :P Or maybe its because of my stubbornness. You know I can make a pretty realistic looking pout and produce tears for as long as four hours! And after that I get bored coz my mouth hurts, eyes sting and everyone actually loses interest in me and leave me to keep sniveling. Yeah, lovely family, no? Sunday, I went out with friends. After a long time, it

28th Nov, 2010 Mumbai. Courage. That's what it takes. You jump down a cliff. Slit your wrist. Take pills. Hang yourself from the fan. You choose to close the book. End all your troubles. Say goodbye to them forever. And the biggest reward you get is that it can't be undone. You win. You've won over them all - the pain, the emptiness, the rejection, the neglect, the deception or whatever it was that drove you to these extremes. You smile at the ease of all of it. You smile at death and welcome it with open arms. You smile during your last breath knowing that the next second gives you freedom. You smile through it all. It's not cowardice. Not in the true sense. I understand, totally, that committing suicide is no child's play. There's courage involved of a completely different level. There's commitment and there's pain. But there's also determination which drives all the other emotions away. I don't underestimate suicide. I don't not unde

Makes you think, no?

She loves tangled web of emotions and thoughts.  Even though she likes things to be sorted,  she loves seeing that her life is complicated, too. She gets excited by the fact that her life is interesting enough  to be recapped and sorted. She accepts that she had a major ego problem in the past. She does now too. But believe it or not, she's losing some of that now.  If her everyday rising Facebook friend list is any indication.  Most of which is due to her sending the friend requests. :] She's revealed in her previous post   that she doesn't like surprises or new things.  But things for her are changing. Slowly. But still, changing. She's started reading new authors.  She is now a part of the worlds of Sarah Dessen,  Maureen Johnson and so many others. She suggests you to read Sarah Dessen . She insists actually. Her music list is not just the same old  Green Day and Rihanna anymore.  She thanks You Tube  and her own ability to stay glued to computer  for countless ho

Sometimes...  its only about you... Sometimes... you let it be that way, you let it be about you... Sometimes... I don't give a shit, Infact I'm comfortable that way... Coz, Sometimes... I was a coward,  a prisoner of my own fears, with shackles of complicated emotions around my wrist... Sometimes... I was just too afraid  to strip myself down... to be like you, to pour my heart out But now, Its just not the same as it used to be Now,  Unlike the former me, I want to be  you, I want to experience narcissism... I want it to be about me, I want to be self-obsessed... I want to be ego-centric. And now the game starts, of trust and understanding... of friendship... and loyalty... and now, we'll witness, along with the countless others, what exactly our thing was. Were you the damsel in distress and me your agony aunt? Was our relationship merely that... or was it just me who was holding back? Is this change gonna be worthwhile? Or I'm I going to learn the biggest

My heart was racing faster than ever. I feared what would happen if it crossed a certain speed limit. Right here, lost in this moment, yet completely aware of every infinitesimal detail, I feared the time, not when my racing heart would push the limit and burst out of my chest, but when it would stop running wildly, stop desiring and most of all, stop fearing. I feared the time when this moment would come to an end. And now that I can see the end looming closer with every beat of my heart, I'm angry on myself for wasting my time in fear of things which are and have never been in my control at all. Desperation overpowered me. I put everything of myself into this moment to make it memorable and strong enough to make it difficult to move on from, with a flickering light of hope still burning, somewhere... I had closed the window to all my senses. What was truly alive for me was his hands cupping my cheeks, his tongue moving with mine, his body pressed against mine and his uncontrolle

Gosh, I just realized I hate almost everything. I mean it. I mean I hate animals, Indian food, exams, waking up early in the morning, romance, relationships, couples who go to Singapore-Malaysia for honey moon, summers, monsoon, documentary movies, cigarettes,  snobs, children, being told off for being fat, people who think that they are the center of the Earth, The Earth itself, Sony Ericson's keypad, Maths, music that tears on my eardrums, stupid giggling girls, airheads, guys with yucky mustache, etc. etc. But you know what I hate more than getting up at 7o'clock in the morning, more than children, more than rains, more that being told that I'm fat? It's  Weddings ! I hate having to dress up like a traditional doll with big earrings and even bigger heels and dresses whose heavy bead work poke you and make you itch all over the place! I hate having to call out to all the people I know and ask them how they are! I hate having to smile all the time [do you even k

Funny how a super intelligent exam partner can change your mood from  >__< to ^____________^  in just half an hour!  Would you believe me if I say I've copied my neighbor's paper word to word today  without being caught or told off at all? How cool is that? Just the last exam "LAW" tomorrow and  7o'clock will only  be greeted by deep sleep for a whole month after. The Nagging Bitch :  Study ,  you don't wanna fail now, do you?  And Facebook is hardly gonna take you much far! Me :  Bitch off, gal! Just coz your definition of fun means solving accounts on a Sunday night with a coffee and calculator for company, doesn't mean we all are dying to follow you.  I've got a life, you see. Just pray, people, that my result is ok enough to keep the bitch's mouth shut forever!