I waited for 45 minutes for him to come. My cell's battery was empty and I don't remember his no., so it was impossible for me to contact him. I craned my neck to the left, then right, then straight, back, left again every 3 seconds. It felt like I had some spring attached inside my neck. My excited anticipation was getting fainter by the minute and thoughts of R were coming back with rapidity and making me realize what a huge mistake I was going to commit. AGAIN - - - Have i trusted the wrong person again? Is he some kind of rebound? Not in the literal sense. But you know, a rebound in a friend sort of way. Am i never going to get a replacement for R. Am i always going to be trapped up in those memories and let myself be washed over with despair and lose all hope of ever recovering again? Is P never going to come? am I a fool to let a flame of hope light up inside me again? Should I leave? Or should I wait here forever? Just like I waited for R...who never came back! Is history repeating itself? Claustrophobia entered my system. Creepy, clammy and nostalgic - I was being choked by it right there; no one even realized that I was having an attack. A claustrophobia attack. I felt just like Rose felt in Titanic - like i was standing in a room full of people shouting me head off but no one was listening - I've never felt so alone. Not even when R left. I had to leave. I got up......and there he was, totally sweaty, apology in his eyes. I had to still decide, I realized. and I had an epiphany, that very second when the thought of *deciding* crossed my mind. I looked at P, a 1000 watts smile on my face and I hugged him. I had decided. The flame of hope which was flickering in the past 45 minutes now shone like the sun and warmed my heart with its awesomely positive rays.
I guess i just fell in love. Not the same way. But love it was. I'll leave the rest to hope.