When's the right time?

When do you know that this is it? The end? When exactly do you realize that holding on to someone is not working out but smothering your relationship so bad, it could just die? When do you know that you can’t take it anymore? That you’ve done everything in your power to make your relationship work but it’s just making you all the more distant from him with every passing second and now you’ve reached the limit…you give up? When is the right time to say your final goodbye? When do you know that its time…time to LET GO?

                                                      

We were friends. We shared everything with each other. Every bit of gossip, every silly rumor, even the most useless, almost negligible, stupidest and silliest piece of information. We could talk about anything. I remember we had once debated about the consequences and effects of feeding Chinese to cows. We criticized each other on a daily basis. We shared a hell lotta insane, impossible ideas and stupidly enough, also spent time brooding over how to put them into action. We hooked each other up with people and then went around ruining each other’s dates. We watched every movie together. Neither would go without the other. We irritated each other. We got on each other’s nerves. We envied each other. We hated each other. We loved each other. We were more than friends, even more than best friends. I don’t know what exactly it was but it hovered somewhere between best friends and lovers. But we were content with each other. At least as content as two totally moronic, forever-fighting, whiny, irritating teenagers could be. We completed each other. He completed me. He’s the only one I’ve ever been able to talk to freely without having to think twice or fear of blurting out something stupid and absurd. He’s the one who had discovered my talent and persuaded me to start writing in the first place. I didn’t have to explain anything about myself to him. He knew me inside out.

But times change. Even worse? Time changes people along with it. It sweeps people over and crushes them down with its big waves and turns them upside down and the next thing we know, the person has changed so much you start doubting whether you even knew him in the first place. I always knew it was a matter of time until this’ll end, coz fate had a knack of taking away from me the very things that formed the essence of my survival. I had embraced the idea of goodbye at some point. But it came as a tragic blow nevertheless.

Our 12th board results - start of a new life. End of my previous life. End of constant bitching about my much despised college. End of immaturity. End of fun. End of friendships formed in this time. End of all the fun times of life. End of me and him. End of us. That was the last day we had enjoyed TOGETHER, just like old times. I should have known it then.

But from when have I been the most intelligent person? I held on to him…clung to him tightly like a drowning person clings to a rope. In fact I clung to him so tightly that he started feeling suffocated. I could see it then, see him struggle to get away from me, to get free. He started meeting me lesser and lesser until the gap stretched on to nothing less than three months. Long talks five times a day changed to hi-bi conversations once a week and then to just messaging until all of it finally ceased. He was more distant from me than…well, than Aishwariya Rai is from Salman Khan.

So you must have imagined how much pain it caused me when he called me last night after exactly 8 months just to check on how I was doing. Just when I should be feeling happy about the call I lost control and started sobbing. He had changed. Everything from the way he talked and what he talked about had changed completely. I didn’t even know who the person on the other end of the line was anymore. It was just then as he was telling me that he hadstarted studying for CA and is also done with CPT exams and that he had finally landed himself a decent girlfriend with whom he’s very happy, that I realized that he had moved on and wherever he had moved to, he was very happy and he obviously didn’t need me anymore. I also realized that I didn’t want to talk to this stranger anymore. All the pain that had kept building inside me was stuck in my throat and was choking me now. I wanted to get as far away from him as I could. And then final realization (or enlightenment would be a wiser term) hit me like a bolt of lightning – it was time. Time to let go…