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When's the right time?

When do you know that this is it? The end? When exactly do you realize that holding on to someone is not working out but smothering your relationship so bad, it could just die? When do you know that you can’t take it anymore? That you’ve done everything in your power to make your relationship work but it’s just making you all the more distant from him with every passing second and now you’ve reached the limit…you give up? When is the right time to say your final goodbye? When do you know that its time…time to LET GO?

                                                      
We were friends. We shared everything with each other. Every bit of gossip, every silly rumor, even the most useless, almost negligible, stupidest and silliest piece of information. We could talk about anything. I remember we had once debated about the consequences and effects of feeding Chinese to cows. We criticized each other on a daily basis. We shared a hell lotta insane, impossible ideas and stupidly enough, also spent time brooding over how to put them into action. We hooked each other up with people and then went around ruining each other’s dates. We watched every movie together. Neither would go without the other. We irritated each other. We got on each other’s nerves. We envied each other. We hated each other. We loved each other. We were more than friends, even more than best friends. I don’t know what exactly it was but it hovered somewhere between best friends and lovers. But we were content with each other. At least as content as two totally moronic, forever-fighting, whiny, irritating teenagers could be. We completed each other. He completed me. He’s the only one I’ve ever been able to talk to freely without having to think twice or fear of blurting out something stupid and absurd. He’s the one who had discovered my talent and persuaded me to start writing in the first place. I didn’t have to explain anything about myself to him. He knew me inside out.

But times change. Even worse? Time changes people along with it. It sweeps people over and crushes them down with its big waves and turns them upside down and the next thing we know, the person has changed so much you start doubting whether you even knew him in the first place. I always knew it was a matter of time until this’ll end, coz fate had a knack of taking away from me the very things that formed the essence of my survival. I had embraced the idea of goodbye at some point. But it came as a tragic blow nevertheless.

Our 12th board results - start of a new life. End of my previous life. End of constant bitching about my much despised college. End of immaturity. End of fun. End of friendships formed in this time. End of all the fun times of life. End of me and him. End of us. That was the last day we had enjoyed TOGETHER, just like old times. I should have known it then.

But from when have I been the most intelligent person? I held on to him…clung to him tightly like a drowning person clings to a rope. In fact I clung to him so tightly that he started feeling suffocated. I could see it then, see him struggle to get away from me, to get free. He started meeting me lesser and lesser until the gap stretched on to nothing less than three months. Long talks five times a day changed to hi-bi conversations once a week and then to just messaging until all of it finally ceased. He was more distant from me than…well, than Aishwariya Rai is from Salman Khan.

So you must have imagined how much pain it caused me when he called me last night after exactly 8 months just to check on how I was doing. Just when I should be feeling happy about the call I lost control and started sobbing. He had changed. Everything from the way he talked and what he talked about had changed completely. I didn’t even know who the person on the other end of the line was anymore. It was just then as he was telling me that he hadstarted studying for CA and is also done with CPT exams and that he had finally landed himself a decent girlfriend with whom he’s very happy, that I realized that he had moved on and wherever he had moved to, he was very happy and he obviously didn’t need me anymore. I also realized that I didn’t want to talk to this stranger anymore. All the pain that had kept building inside me was stuck in my throat and was choking me now. I wanted to get as far away from him as I could. And then final realization (or enlightenment would be a wiser term) hit me like a bolt of lightning – it was time. Time to let go

Comments

Anand said…
"Aishwariya Rai is from Salman Khan" is the only cheesy line in the whole post and it did not create the effect you wished for (humor or sarcasm).
Apart from that post is interesting. Sometimes I too feel the same way for my childhood friends but still whenever I meet them in person, we enjoy reliving old memories. And those memories I can never let go.
Jitika Jain said…
"Aishwariya Rai is from Salman Khan"..by this line i wanted to describe the level of distance btwn us....maybe it didnt have a gr8 effect...but u get my point!...

memories r so many yaa....but it feels all wrong wen the person behind these memories is not wid u...u feel like uv been dreaming...like its all been imaginary or sumthin...its too hard for me to explain....gud for u dat ur still in good terms with ur frns...wish u all the happy memories ever!
Pri said…
trust me dear, you knew it was time to let go a long time back..but its almost like the last final blow makes it official.
when it comes to people we love and care about, we keep giving chances hoping that someday things will change for the better again...praying that things will be back to where they were....

but more often than not, the point where u first realise things are changing for the worse..is the point when things go downhill.
the real strength is sometimes not in the holding on..but in the letting go.


i know it hurts but believe me, you'l get by..everybody does

take care!
Jitika Jain said…
@pri: wish i could have realised it the first time i saw him *leave*....clinging on to him was the worst idea...it has just made moving on all the more tougher...
it just hurts to know i wouldnt have anyone now ....to talk to....to bitch with....to share all my insane ideas with...i never thought i would get so close to anyone...i never wanted to....there is so much inside me....all the feelings...dying to come out...but words are failing me...for the very first time....

i hope to get by....and as soon as possible....thanx anyways....uv read between the lines and explained to me stuff i didnt even realise myself...:)
Anish Patel said…
It hurts an hurts very badly... specially in schools as in those times Friends r the only thread connected to outer world from family n Friends seems whole world for us....
It doesn't hurt much when u r in college... n in office.. believe me.. it never hurts because everybody here is professional or should I say practical..
anyways best thing is keep urself busy in other things and u will move on soon... Best luck...
...Jitsy... said…
@anish: yeah....its funny, how u hav a huge groupof ppl befreinding u at one moment and u blink once n see that they've gone...
ppl in office are so busy with their own lives yaa...it'll be an acheivement to keep tabs on oders lives too...but i think dats best...
thnx for the condolenses .....hope to recover soon..:)
Shantanu said…
sometimes or many times relationships break because of the unknown relationship status...i mean relationship is highly influenced by how you 'name' it.....i guess the hovering between best friends and lovers made it a relationship in crisis...because then the expectations of both you kept sliding back and forth between being lovers and being just best friends...and then it creates conflict....you say something he understands something else....and vice-verse so that suffocated him i guess.....and even you to a certain extent i suppose...the only difference according to me between being best friends and lovers is that in the former you take care of each other just like that effortlessly, you might miss it sometimes and it wont matter as it will not be your responsibility....but in the later you do it willingly and you vow to make it your responsibility to take care and complete each other...forever after!

anyways good that you are out of it.best of luck for your life...but just make sure you point your darts towards the right places when you approach someone new.. ;)

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