Dirty Little Secrets

There she was. Glowing like the rising sun in her golden dress, a ring of light around her and a halo resting on top of her head and looking like a goddess surrounded with the trees on her left, a small pond to her right and a very beautiful waterfall behind her. Her hands spread out in front of her as if to embrace. Her serene profile sending a deep sense of peace and nostalgia through my body.  I walked towards her slowly. She backed away, frightened. This confused me. I took one more step towards her. She backed away as a reflex.  She looked frightened. As if I’m gonna cause her harm or something.  Don’t get scared , I wanted to tell her but she was running away now, taking with her the peace she had given me, leaving the nostalgia – which was now choking me with its creepy hands, creating a ripple of distress thousand times stronger than usual considering the firmness of nostalgia’s chokehold grip – behind.  She looked so familiar. As if I hav...

I know I’m fat, ugly, lazy, useless, snobbish and every other word that would fill a 1000 pages’ book. I know how much this irritates you to the core and wouldn’t mind doing some hocus-pocus on me to transfer me into some “universally adored doll”. I know you’re internally (and not doing much progress in hiding this feeling externally as well) hating me for what I am. I know that my friend is always better than me in everything and that you wouldn’t think twice before swapping me with her. I know everything you feel when you look at me and also the pain I’m causing you with every wrong thing I do. Every one of my back answer’s make you want to slap me and beat me until I’m improved. Everyone of my I’ll do it later!’s make you want to lock me in a dark cellar full of cockroaches and lizards. I know you feel embarrassed and humiliated to even introduce me or talk to in front of your acquaintances. I know and understand every fucking thing you keep accusing me of not understanding… I kn...

It’s just going bad to worse every fucking year. VALENTINE’S DAY… one reason people give for all the below mentioned stupidity: INTIMACY IN PUBLIC…. Dude, you wanna book a room in a hotel? Coz we’re so not interested in seeing the way you embrace each other. Your kissing expertise may be commendable but no one’s distributing prizes for “the best kiss” or “the best embrace” and stuff… so please!!!!...save us the embarrassment and find someplace private!!! PROPOSALS…. Dunno why people think that proposing on Valentine’s day will help them land a partner. Especially boys, how can they think that proposing a gal on v’day would keep her from slapping you on your face… surely there’s no rule saying you can’t slap some wannabe on that day….and why people wait for v’day to propose someone, is a big mystery to me… suppose a guy falls in love on 15th feb; will he wait for a whole year until v’day to propose that gal???? Poor gal … supposing she likes that guy too? I wouldn’t blame her if she ...

I want to know what has happened to me. Why I hate this world, the people, my friends, myself… I’m scared of losing myself to the hatred, the jealousy the enmity that’s taken root in me without my knowledge. It’s eating me up, my soul. This hatred….. I can’t find a suitable word for my feeling. I feel lost. I feel lonely. There was a time when I was carefree, friendly, lovely. Anger was a rarity for me, an impossibility. I lived in a world where I felt beautiful, where my dreams were not just a figment of my imagination but my essence of living, my hope for a better, even lovelier world. Where I met my prince and we lived happily. The happiness emanating from me was so infectious that people couldn’t help but get attracted towards me. I believed in everyone, even those who committed mistakes. There’s hope, I felt. Not everything’s lost. Life can be lived again, rightfully this time. Then why am I losing myself now? Why am I so mean and cruel and… and…and bad? Why? Why do I find the...