Dirty Little Secrets

28th Nov, 2010 Mumbai. Courage. That's what it takes. You jump down a cliff. Slit your wrist. Take pills. Hang yourself from the fan. You choose to close the book. End all your troubles. Say goodbye to them forever. And the biggest reward you get is that it can't be undone. You win. You've won over them all - the pain, the emptiness, the rejection, the neglect, the deception or whatever it was that drove you to these extremes. You smile at the ease of all of it. You smile at death and welcome it with open arms. You smile during your last breath knowing that the next second gives you freedom. You smile through it all. It's not cowardice. Not in the true sense. I understand, totally, that committing suicide is no child's play. There's courage involved of a completely different level. There's commitment and there's pain. But there's also determination which drives all the other emotions away. I don't underestimate suicide. I don't not unde...

Makes you think, no?

She loves tangled web of emotions and thoughts.  Even though she likes things to be sorted,  she loves seeing that her life is complicated, too. She gets excited by the fact that her life is interesting enough  to be recapped and sorted. She accepts that she had a major ego problem in the past. She does now too. But believe it or not, she's losing some of that now.  If her everyday rising Facebook friend list is any indication.  Most of which is due to her sending the friend requests. :] She's revealed in her previous post   that she doesn't like surprises or new things.  But things for her are changing. Slowly. But still, changing. She's started reading new authors.  She is now a part of the worlds of Sarah Dessen,  Maureen Johnson and so many others. She suggests you to read Sarah Dessen . She insists actually. Her music list is not just the same old  Green Day and Rihanna anymore.  She thanks You Tube  and her own ability ...

Sometimes...  its only about you... Sometimes... you let it be that way, you let it be about you... Sometimes... I don't give a shit, Infact I'm comfortable that way... Coz, Sometimes... I was a coward,  a prisoner of my own fears, with shackles of complicated emotions around my wrist... Sometimes... I was just too afraid  to strip myself down... to be like you, to pour my heart out But now, Its just not the same as it used to be Now,  Unlike the former me, I want to be  you, I want to experience narcissism... I want it to be about me, I want to be self-obsessed... I want to be ego-centric. And now the game starts, of trust and understanding... of friendship... and loyalty... and now, we'll witness, along with the countless others, what exactly our thing was. Were you the damsel in distress and me your agony aunt? Was our relationship merely that... or was it just me who was holding back? Is this change gonna be worthwhile? Or I'm I going to lear...

My heart was racing faster than ever. I feared what would happen if it crossed a certain speed limit. Right here, lost in this moment, yet completely aware of every infinitesimal detail, I feared the time, not when my racing heart would push the limit and burst out of my chest, but when it would stop running wildly, stop desiring and most of all, stop fearing. I feared the time when this moment would come to an end. And now that I can see the end looming closer with every beat of my heart, I'm angry on myself for wasting my time in fear of things which are and have never been in my control at all. Desperation overpowered me. I put everything of myself into this moment to make it memorable and strong enough to make it difficult to move on from, with a flickering light of hope still burning, somewhere... I had closed the window to all my senses. What was truly alive for me was his hands cupping my cheeks, his tongue moving with mine, his body pressed against mine and his uncontrolle...