Skip to main content

So many questions. Never a satisfactory answer!


We chatted every day. We shared secrets with each other. We got close to each other in such a short span of time that life without him seems impossible. Incomplete. Like I’m missing something or nothing seems right when I don’t chat with him one day. I thought he was my rebound. That thought sure disturbed me but I pushed it in the darkest part of my head and expected it to rust and die there. I’ve been doing this for quite some time now. So easy and problem-free life becomes when you don’t have negative thought looming inside your head all day! But now we don’t chat so frequently and I don’t feel as restless about not talking to him as I used to before. He doesn’t need me as much as he used to before, too. Maybe, he WAS my rebound. And I was his. And now that we’ve helped each other and cured our problems, we don’t need *us* anymore. I thought, during the post-R phase, that one more goodbye and I’ll be shattered. Hahahahahahahha… it all seems so funny  confusing funny now.
 No, we haven’t ceased contact totally. But it seems strained. Like, I have to do it because that’s the way it has always been and because I don’t wanna hurt him or I don’t wanna be the one to step back. It feels like a duty or a compulsion. I don’t get the feeling to do it from the heart. He’s helped me in many ways. He’s helped me heal, helped me get my pre-R confidence and attitude back and most of all, made me believe that loving again and trusting again won’t hurt. Yeah, I’m not the “devdasi” that I was back then anymore. I’ve learnt (what I’ve known always) that you can’t give up on love and hope and happiness and trust just because it backfired with one person. However important he may have been! There’s a new life waiting out there for you. A new someone. And P just helped me gain that belief back. And now, I see him slipping out of my life. Just like water trickling down my hands as I stand in my shower and think about all this and WONDER!
What was this, God? So fast? Rebound? Hope? Trust? Love? Him? Me? Us? R? Why? Why? Why?
So many questions. Never a satisfactory answer!

How do U expect me to trust you when you play with my life like it’s some stupid adventure game. I want to trust you. Just show me how. And also WHY!
I’m waiting. Desperately.

Comments

A Fineapple said…
I know how u feel, broken, confused and sometimes it all seems funny.. i feel the same..usually the questions u get from a relation with one person will be answered by another person soon.. well thts whts been happening with me lately (hope you got wht I meant..).. it just takes time, but all the questions will be answered for sure..
:) take care dear.. :)
July 5, 2010 at 2:41 AM
Anish Patel said…
well.... it is normal.. it happens when U r young n energetic n impatient....
People have many crushes / love / affairs at young age so don't worry.. it will make you strong...
July 6, 2010 at 10:45 AM
Dreamcatcher said…
@ARPITHA: i hope i get my answers...m so confused dat i can kill...:@
neways, thanx for d concern!
July 6, 2010 at 10:59 PM
Dreamcatcher said…
@anish: yea, m an impatient teenager
but no, dis ain't about having crushes or love or sumthin...
remember my post abt R? its jus freindship...but sumtyms it hurts more dan it would hav hurt in a break up!
July 6, 2010 at 11:00 PM
Deboshree said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
March 8, 2011 at 9:15 AM
Deboshree said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
March 8, 2011 at 9:16 AM
Deboshree said…
Heyyy!!
I just stumbled on ur blog and its awesome :-)
When I was reading this post, I felt as if I had felt the same series of experience and emotions you have portrayed through this post..
I also used to chat with some X, and he provided me with reasons to cherish my individuality, but now though our relation isn't technically strained, yet the contact is born more out of compulsion and courtesy for the sake of good old times!!
Initially I also felt as if I lost something huge, but now I feel I was so damn silly!! :P

(well, I never wink at any girl, but by commenting I made sure that you know :P :P)
March 8, 2011 at 9:16 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

25% of me!

I was tagged on someone's blog for the very first time in my life....feels so special, I can't express...just seeing your name and your creation etched there in the normal black ink...people who read this wouldn't even look twice...'oh, whatever, she's a blogger...she writes...big deal!' is what they'll say...but to me? It means so so much...getting appreciation for your creativity...feels ecstatic...I remember when I had got my very first blog follower...out of nowhere...I hadn't even followed any other blog at that time, I guess...he just came outta nowhere and read my stuff and liked it... blissful I felt...n now, this . Thankyou, Molly... Okk...moving on to the 25 things I do....hmmm.... This is a chain-game....I've been passed it to me by Molly...I just gotta write some random 25 things about me...and then tag 10 ppl....those whom I tag have to then write 25things about them and so on... So here goes, 1. I'm Jitika Jain. Unwillingl...
25 comments
Read more

A happy ending!

A blinding flash of light! A high-pitched shriek! Darkness! Funny how death is one thing which is strong enough to snap you out of reality! Yeah, I don’t say dream but reality.   Think about it! He lay there, wishing with all his will… if only he could have one chance at rewind! Or did he really want that? Did he want to live through all the pain and misery and bitterness again? Did he have the strength…or the guts? “Someone call the ambulance, he’s dying” he heard a terrified cry from somewhere to his right. That person must be really close for he could hear him (even in this pain) properly.  The rest was a blur of voices pounding through his head. He was dying. This is it! It’s finally over, the wait! He shuffled through all his memories to find that one particular face. A face that he had been trying very hard to push at the back of his mind, and if successful, absolute removal! But what does it matter now? And there it was, the image installed in his brain, paused at...
18 comments
Read more

One moment please.

That relief you feel when you see their eyes stunned and their faces pained - even if for a second - that momentary relief! That is what makes us say hurting things, to be mean. That's what makes us want to scream and swear and make them cry. That relief that makes you feel that you don't have to bear it alone. It's eerily peaceful! That one short moment makes it less devastating. That you're not the only one with problems. You're not the only one fucked up. You are not the only depressed soul. You can  see the ghost of the laughter that still hasn't left their mouth before your outburst and it gives you hope, maybe even a little perspective. Suddenly, the world is a much bigger place and you're a barely-existent dot on that globe. You see the bigger picture. You see that there are much bigger problems. Problems that you would never, ever want to encounter. You see that the person standing in front of you - the person that you've just yelled at ...
25 comments
Read more