Funny how death is one thing which is strong enough to snap you out of reality! Yeah, I don’t say dream but reality. Think about it!
He lay there, wishing with all his will… if only he could have one chance at rewind! Or did he really want that? Did he want to live through all the pain and misery and bitterness again? Did he have the strength…or the guts?
“Someone call the ambulance, he’s dying” he heard a terrified cry from somewhere to his right. That person must be really close for he could hear him (even in this pain) properly. The rest was a blur of voices pounding through his head. He was dying. This is it! It’s finally over, the wait!
He shuffled through all his memories to find that one particular face. A face that he had been trying very hard to push at the back of his mind, and if successful, absolute removal! But what does it matter now? And there it was, the image installed in his brain, paused at exactly the scene he wanted to relive.
He heard the sound of the ambulance and somehow, that made him even more nervous…anytime now! His mind quickly clicked on the play button inside his head and he immersed himself deeper into the movie…
Her gracious hands were coiled together tightly. So were her legs. Her hair too was in a tight bun. He stood right there waiting for her to lift her head and acknowledge his presence. He figured that she was in deep thought. This was the most serious she has ever been. Finally after a long time, she lifted her gaze to meet his. There was something wrong in her eyes. Her hazel eyes, they looked frozen. Hard and frozen. Just like ice. He couldn’t find even a teensy bit of warmth in them. He couldn’t find her in them, nor could he find himself. She nodded towards the seat besides her and went back to maintaining the piercing silence, closing her eyes and getting drowned in her thoughts again. He looked at her guarded, and somewhat steely, profile and wondered! Surely, something was wrong. He waited for what felt like a whole eternity for her to open her eyes and meet his gaze again. He wanted to look into her eyes and prove himself wrong. Maybe he had just imagined it. What will happen is, she will look at him, her eyes wearing the same warmth and affection they always wore and she would hug him and everything would be back to normal. Nothing of that sort happened. She continued maintaining her steely silence until it got on his nerves and made him go paranoid.
She finally looked at him again. Nay, he wasn’t imagining her cold eyes after all.
“I’m done. We’re done. It’s over. Forget me!”
And she left with that. No explanation. No discussion. No proper goodbye. No nothing. She just disappeared.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want to bother you really. It’s my problem you know.”
“But we loved each other. I love you.”
“We did, yeah! But you don’t deserve this. Not this, no.”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t you see?”
“But the doctors say you’ll be fine”
“I know I won’t”
“But that’s no reason to leave me alone like that. I would have been there by you, helped you survive.”
“Would you have survived?”
“Let’s not worry about me now!”
“I care for you”
“Oh you do, do you? A really nice way of showing it!”
“You know I do”
“2 years! You could have been dead for all I know”
“I will be now”
“This is all? That’s just it then, huh? This is how much you care for me?”
“Did you even hear me? I’m dying”
“SO WHAT? I deserved to know”
“Would you believe me if I say I did all this because I love you?”
The nurse came in right that moment. He was asked to leave. He realized that this was the last time he going to see her. She clutched his hand just as he made to leave.
“I care for you. I really do.”
He tried hard not to look into her eyes and most of all, not to break down.
“I want to believe you. I really do.”
He felt a great sense of déjà vu as he was being rushed towards the OT. He tried to recognize what the reason was. He was lifted from the stretcher and placed on the bed. All around him, nurses were treating to his wounds as they waited for the doctor to come. He tried to look around him…and felt a hand, a much warmer hand, coiling itself around his own. He turned to see who it was and MAN!!! It was her, smiling at him angelically. Ok, so maybe he has already died.
But he still felt the pain. And also felt everyone around him. What was happening?
He looked at her again and received back a glowing smile he remembered only too well. He didn’t remove his perplexed gaze off her. Was she a dream?
She turned her head towards the nurse who was treating his right arm and then back at him.
The nurse? But wha – oh!
She was the same nurse who had asked him to leave when he had gone to visit her in the hospital. Does that mean…is he brought to the same hospital as she was? Wow! They’re gonna die at the same place. What more did he want!
He looked back at her, returned her smile and then, closed his eyes. He was finally ready for death. The ECG showed exactly what he was trying to do. The doctor, as a final resort, tried to pump some air into his heart. Too late, he has already drifted towards the heaven he was gonna share with her. She was guiding him there. Towards their happy ending!