Monday, December 10, 2012

One moment please.

That relief you feel when you see their eyes stunned and their faces pained - even if for a second - that momentary relief! That is what makes us say hurting things, to be mean. That's what makes us want to scream and swear and make them cry. That relief that makes you feel that you don't have to bear it alone. It's eerily peaceful!

That one short moment makes it less devastating. That you're not the only one with problems. You're not the only one fucked up. You are not the only depressed soul. You can  see the ghost of the laughter that still hasn't left their mouth before your outburst and it gives you hope, maybe even a little perspective.

Suddenly, the world is a much bigger place and you're a barely-existent dot on that globe. You see the bigger picture. You see that there are much bigger problems. Problems that you would never, ever want to encounter. You see that the person standing in front of you - the person that you've just yelled at - it speechless because you seem to have hit a nerve.

And then you come undone. You learn it a second to late. You learn what you have done. You have to witness that look in their eyes which plainly says "I know" to whatever mean things you've just said to them. You see that failure, that damnedness in their eyes. But its more than what you had signed up for.

All you wanted was to pass the claustrophobic, stifling pain to someone else. All you wanted was a moment of relief. You did not want to see that look, your look, reflected in someone else's eyes. This makes the cycle clearer to you than ever before. And, in that moment you're left wondering who the next victim is going to be.

It's unbearable. You want out. You turn around, with a smile on your face. A smile which is based on confusion and tiredness and disbelief. But, they don't know what internal battle you're going through. Not yet. And so, forever in their mind, you'll be the bitch that said mean things to them and then smiled. All in that short never-ending moment!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Lessons - learnt the hard way.

  • If you don't make an effort to be remembered. You're forgotten.
  • People leave. Heart shatters. Just a little lesser every time.
  • Loneliness is way underrated.
  • If you're confused about being with someone, then save them the heart aches - Don't be with them.
  • Life is overrated and pointless. You're living not because you feel alive. You're living because there's still time for death.
  • It wasn't love. It was a matter of priority.
  • Don't hate so much. You're going to regret it too damn much when you see the person you hated with a burning passion reflected in that pitiless mirror.
  • Love changes to hope, flickers and gives away by the way of regret. Hate - it intensifies.
  • Ego is just a selfish way used to stay away from confrontation. It bows away only when its too late for anything else.

And this last one I learnt after observing this elderly lady on the train back from Rajasthan.

  • Love is having that one person in your life you want to say your first "Good Morning" and your last "Good Night" to.

Upon asking her grand-daughter I found that she has been widowed 15 years ago. What was so sweet and touching about her was that even though she did not remember what she did or said 5-10 minutes ago, she did not forget to sleep with and wake up to her late husband's picture by her side.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

What you mean to me - Fantabulous February

Like the burst of yellow in the ocean of green,
Like the beautiful candle that molten wax had once been;
Like the first sunrays on the cold gray sea,
Like the intoxicating fragrance of the assamese tea;
Like the closest friend one could have in a strange, new city,
you fill my life with colors and make me feel pretty.

The photo above is an inspiration taken from Kanika's Blog.
Visit her blog to understand her take on the given photo.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012


I could have been 18 again, envied by every girl for being a girlfriend of the best-looking guy in the class. I could have been the introverted bitch with an "attitude problem" again. I could have been the girl who was laughed at for weeks because she tripped down the stairs onto a guy who resembled a stick figure! I could have been messed-up again, so much so that littlest things would set the waterworks off. I could have been the helpless romantic, who - in spite of having her heart broken - would have forgiven the guy just because it would save me the big fight and frankly, save me from going back to being alone.

I could so easily go back to being that girl again; and I could have ended up having a memorable time. I could have forgiven the guy just because we liked the same band and hated the same subjects. I could have given in just for the familiarity and simplicity of it all.

I couldn't help getting lost in an intoxicating reverie, with some acoustic music filling the background.
But the phone rang again and I snapped back to reality.

If only it had been any other day, I thought, and I picked up the phone.
"Hey! Listen, I - I shouldn't have - I - " but then he sighed, and instead said, "I miss you!"

I had expected this but it ached nevertheless. I took a deep breath, mustered all my strength and finally said those words which would end it all. "It's not love for 'a person'", I said, remembering him saying these exact words to his then ex-girlfriend, " it's just love for 'the day'. Why don't you call me when the spell's broken."

And then I hung up, providing us both with the much needed closure!

Friday, January 20, 2012

True Story!

Your true journey starts
not when you choose and head towards your destiny
but when someone special crosses your path
and instead of moving on,
you leave everything behind
and follow that person
not worrying, 
for once in your life,
about where you're headed
what you're leaving behind.