Dirty Little Secrets

When dreams shatter in front of your eyes, When its so painful you have to lie, Some hurtful words that could cut a stone, An unfixable fight that leaves you alone, When your best of efforts go to waste, When you remember bad choices you made in a haste, When darkness stops scaring you inside, When light falls on your face, it feels uncomfortably bright, When you realize your love is a second too late, When unceasing pain feels like an unfortunate fate, Its not kiddish to let your guard down and cry, It may seem impossible, but the next pain will definitely make you smile.

Life is a bitch. My only advice to you is run. Run before she catches up with you and bites you in your bum.  If you’ve read the above lines and agreed (sadly or grudgingly or whatever) you’ve been bitten already, HARD and it wouldn’t hurt to yell some well chosen curses to the wind either. Do it now. Let the pain out. Let your folks think you’re out of your mind. Let someone get offended and yell some profanities back at you. Let the birds fly away from you in shock. Let your boss fire you for going nuts. No… no, don’t. I take that back. Go yell in a bathroom or something if you’re in your office or yell at someone who works under you. Show them that you’re the boss. Be Hari Sadu from the advertisement for naukri.com if you want to and as liberating as that may make you feel, make sure the Hari Sadu of your life doesn’t get to see your performance. *winks* After all he’s the one paying who is paying you for everything you own down to your underwear, right? You see th...

In all of the 15 minutes that the old man stood in the rain, dripping water from his shiny white hair, chin and suede elbows, serenity never left his eyes, and amusement his lips. He could totally have passed as an ancient sculpture, just left there in the rains, washing away, melting, vanishing right there in front of your eyes in the haze of the torrential downpour. His stance was hypnotizing; there was nothing different or special at all about him. Everyone around him were enjoying the romantic whether – couples walking hand in hand, friends fooling around, kids dancing around in their gum boots and raincoats, parents sitting on a bench and watching their kids, yelling warnings when the children ran too far, loners sitting there and losing themselves to the rains. Everything was dreamlike; like the scene had just been cut out of a happy movie. If there was something or somebody to look at, you would choose to see the kids: carefree, innocent, thrilled or the couples: blissfu...

Don't just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order. There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions. Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there's no point coming first. Same is with life where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, may start to die. One thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. Life is not to be taken sincerely as we are really temporary here. We are like a prepaid card with limited validit...

Coz that's the only place where you can fill a booklet full of curses, lyrics and jokes in exams and still get full marks! Coz that's the only place where you can kiss your best friend's hot boyfriend and get blessings from your friend instead of swears and punches! Coz its the only place where you can sing like a frog and dance lika an itchy hen and be praised more than Michael Jackson! Coz its the only place where you don't run behind your father begging for a new cellphone but its he who says its high time you took one! Coz its the only place where you have a perfect life with a sea-facing mansion, Ashton Kutcher for a husband and blue-eyed twins for kids! Coz its the only place where fat and ugly is in! Coz that's the only place where "impossible" is made to hide its face and make a run for it. Dream! You don't wanna end up regretting not getting to live the life you always wanted now, do you?

Because lies wouldn't exist if they weren't there to make us happy!

Coz thats what I've done! *tries to not look guilty at all* Its birthday time for Dandelion!!!!!!!!! 8) I've always been excited about my birthday but this year seems different. Reason? Dandelion has made so many new friends and all of them are so so besharam that she's gonna lose every single penny she has in treating them for being born with no special talent other than making it a tradition to cry atleat once on every birthday! I'm an adult and there's never been a single day since last February which actually made a difference. :[ I still can't ride bikes. My car is rusting away too. I'm still too young to drink. *winks* I don't even have a credit card. The only thing I've done which makes me feel all grown up and important is DONATE BLOOD!!! *claps claps claps* The fainting and blackouts we won't talk about. Why ruin the proud moment, eh? ;) And oh, for all those who want to gimme gifts for my 19th birthday, jus lemme know...I'll cont...

I look at you - laughing as if there's no bother in the world that can ever make you frown, feeling my gaze and looking at me questionably, calling my name, trying to shake me out of my reverie, failing to realize that its you who I am actually into, not an oblivion, not any dream. Its you who has me so caught up and mesmerized. You, whom I never want to forget. You I look at and smile, subtly trying to capture all the emotions and actions that I know will fade one day...just like everything else. Never ever have I hated time so much. Never ever felt that desperate urge to smash the clock and stop its rhythmic, almost hypnotic ticking forever. I already see you blurring around the edges, making me feel exactly how helpless I am in front of time. Face heated up, scrunched up in concentration not to ruin this perfect moment of bliss, I wonder if I'll ever forgive time again...for helping me through, for taking this away, for making  all these days just...

Carefree Randomness Surprises Masti like never before Reunion with certain old friends A whole new list of some new close friends Quirky music An unexplained hatred for loneliness Beloved winter Unceasing hatred towards numbers Happydent overload Extension of curfew timings 25% completion of the never-ending to-do list Table-tennis Hearty talks with complete strangers Revelations A discovery of talent Short hair Tentative acceptance of life & its challenges That's my 2010, what's yours?

Today is when my blog turns 1  :D *claps claps claps* I know my blog archive shows I started writing from January  but I had already made this blog before that  but I just didn't have any writing material or maybe I was just a very lazy kinda person. I am still now. But that's just not the same as before.  :P I remember one not-so-fine January day when I felt as if I need an escape someplace where I could dump the feelings  and emotional overtures I was going through without hurting anyone or letting anyone know at all. That was a big thing. Very huge.  And I was just never the same again. And that's when Dirty Little Secrets Mind starts speaking, as was known previously came to my rescue. And since then it has always been there. Waiting. Waiting for me to approach it whenever I wanted to write or when I wanted to let out everything I was feeling or just when I was merely bored. I haven't shared many personal feelings here and I don't even think I have ...

I have always been an oddball. I have. And people always took that to be as crazy or weird. And thats why I have the least possible certificates and prizes in my account :[ I had been going through this book I used to maintain when I was in school. I had written in it my favorite texts, poems and some of my own compositions. And then I came across this page - I had attended a kiddies workshop when I was in 7th and had to create verbal advertisements for "Fevicol" and "Pepsodent" and we were given only 15 minutes for preparation. And this is what I do: Caution: Whoever laughs on my compositions get their keyboards banged with their heads! Fevicol [sing the tune of "yeh dil, diwana" from the movie Pardes]: Yeh Dil, diwana Diwana yeh dil Diwane ne, mujhko bhi, Kar dala, diwana Usne mere dil ko tod, maine fevicol se joda fir kabhi bhi nahi tuta hai yeh dil usne dil ko punch hai mara, isko shatter karna chaha aur fir haath hi uske tute hai lekin... diwane...

"I fear it's very wrong of me And yet I must admit When someone offers friendship I want the whole of it. I don't want everybody else To share my friends with me. At least I want one special one Who indisputably, Likes me much more than all the rest Who's always on my side, Who never cares what others say Who lets me come and hide Within his shadow, in his house - It doesn't matter where - Who lets me simply be myself, Who's always, always, there."

I've been having a super time lately.  I'd been shopping yesterday! And I've shopped as if it was the first time that I've been unleashed on all those clothes :P All my purchases are well hidden in the deepest pit of my ever-growing mound of clothes in my closet. I'm thinking of revealing them to my mum around Christmas! =] And I've just lived three family-free days all alone at my place! So, my parents finally realize that I'm old enough to take care of myself and the house and not leave the geyser on after leaving the shower or burn the whole house down or whatever. Yeah dad, mom, you make me feel great! :P Or maybe its because of my stubbornness. You know I can make a pretty realistic looking pout and produce tears for as long as four hours! And after that I get bored coz my mouth hurts, eyes sting and everyone actually loses interest in me and leave me to keep sniveling. Yeah, lovely family, no? Sunday, I went out with friends. After a long time, it ...

28th Nov, 2010 Mumbai. Courage. That's what it takes. You jump down a cliff. Slit your wrist. Take pills. Hang yourself from the fan. You choose to close the book. End all your troubles. Say goodbye to them forever. And the biggest reward you get is that it can't be undone. You win. You've won over them all - the pain, the emptiness, the rejection, the neglect, the deception or whatever it was that drove you to these extremes. You smile at the ease of all of it. You smile at death and welcome it with open arms. You smile during your last breath knowing that the next second gives you freedom. You smile through it all. It's not cowardice. Not in the true sense. I understand, totally, that committing suicide is no child's play. There's courage involved of a completely different level. There's commitment and there's pain. But there's also determination which drives all the other emotions away. I don't underestimate suicide. I don't not unde...

Makes you think, no?

She loves tangled web of emotions and thoughts.  Even though she likes things to be sorted,  she loves seeing that her life is complicated, too. She gets excited by the fact that her life is interesting enough  to be recapped and sorted. She accepts that she had a major ego problem in the past. She does now too. But believe it or not, she's losing some of that now.  If her everyday rising Facebook friend list is any indication.  Most of which is due to her sending the friend requests. :] She's revealed in her previous post   that she doesn't like surprises or new things.  But things for her are changing. Slowly. But still, changing. She's started reading new authors.  She is now a part of the worlds of Sarah Dessen,  Maureen Johnson and so many others. She suggests you to read Sarah Dessen . She insists actually. Her music list is not just the same old  Green Day and Rihanna anymore.  She thanks You Tube  and her own ability ...

Sometimes...  its only about you... Sometimes... you let it be that way, you let it be about you... Sometimes... I don't give a shit, Infact I'm comfortable that way... Coz, Sometimes... I was a coward,  a prisoner of my own fears, with shackles of complicated emotions around my wrist... Sometimes... I was just too afraid  to strip myself down... to be like you, to pour my heart out But now, Its just not the same as it used to be Now,  Unlike the former me, I want to be  you, I want to experience narcissism... I want it to be about me, I want to be self-obsessed... I want to be ego-centric. And now the game starts, of trust and understanding... of friendship... and loyalty... and now, we'll witness, along with the countless others, what exactly our thing was. Were you the damsel in distress and me your agony aunt? Was our relationship merely that... or was it just me who was holding back? Is this change gonna be worthwhile? Or I'm I going to lear...